Upon arriving home, from the routine Costco trip, I found myself pondering the things that I say. I began to ask myself so many what-if questions; “what if that person(s) misunderstood what I meant”, “What if I said something I shouldn’t have”, and so on. Let me clarify, no I didn’t have some sudden outburst of raging words (as I don’t tend to do that sort of thing)!haha However, I found myself thinking about the words I speak in my everyday life, whether that be a surface level conversation with a bagger at a grocery store, a deep conversation with a friend, or a goofy conversation with a sibling. In some instances I was happy and confident with the words that came off my tongue, in others I began to question things. As all the what-if questions vigorously ran through my mind, I started to wonder how people viewed me. I know it’s important to be aware of the things I say, after all what you say can defile you (Matthew 15:11); However, I was taking things much too far! I started analyzing EVERY SINGLE little word I had spoken these past few days, and began imaging all the possible ways it could have been taken the wrong way!!!
AHHH!!! Sooo overwhelming!!!
Anyway, I think you got the idea…I tend to ever analyze things to the point where I drive myself crazy. Haha
Shortly after arriving home, I found myself sitting on the ground beside my bed, with the heater one foot away from me (running full blast of course), while breathing in the scent of my Vanilla Frost candle. As I sat there, I spoke with God. I said, “God, make things clear to me. I pray that my words are yours, however, I find myself doubting the things I say so often and wonder if the words coming from my mouth are mine or Yours. I also wonder if the things I say are the things I am supposed to be saying”. At that moment, God asked me to grab my Bible which was sitting there on my side table drawer. Then I asked Him, with a reluctant tone, how will I know what to read…after all my Bible has 1,397 pages in it! His response was, “I will tell you”. Doubting that He actually would, I reached out my arm and grabbed my Bible, thinking about what chapter to turn to. As I unzipped my green Bible cover, I heard Him say, “Psalm 139:4”. So I flipped through the pages of my bible, while simultaneously doubting that verse would have any relevance to what I had been dealing with. What I read astonished me! All my doubts (about the words I had spoken and even those during my prayer) quickly escaped my mind as peace took its place. This is what Psalm 139:4 says, “You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord”. I didn’t realize that these fourteen simple words, paired together, could have so much meaning. Not only did these words completely align with the struggles I had been facing, but this situation reminded me of God’s sovereignty and constant presence.
And now, I find myself sitting on my bed (yeah, the floor got a little hard after a while!) writing to you! Yes, you, the one reading this. I want to say a quick thank you for taking the time to read and share in this short random moment I had with God! I hope you were able to get something out of it:) If you have any times you’ve had with God that you want to share, please leave a comment, as I would love to hear!